People who where there

November 10, 2024

I've been thinking about friendship. My cousin was driving me back from a night of board games, it was cold just after 1am, and we started talking about him. He's a friend- always was, always will be but we hadn't talked for almost two years. Not because of a fight, we just took different lanes on the highway, it took a while for the traffic to merge again. We are worried about him, he's overworking himself (and though I would never say it to his face, beacoming like his father). And we both said the same thing that night "I would spill my guts for him, no questions asked", and here is the question Does he know that?. I don't even care if it's mutual, but does he know my friendship doesn't come with strings? That not taking, doesn't mean we're not friends anymore? Especially, because he's one of the special people who where there, in the center of my childhood, my most formative memories. There is always a place in my heart for them.
Beacuse on the old pitcure I keep in a special folder, they stand right next to him, the only two friend I ever truly lost. I remember when we texted her for the first time after a fight I knew nothing about and yet was punished for. Hotel room in the mountains, skiing trip and half a bottle of cheap wine. All we wanted was to put everything behind us, for things to be like they used to, all we got was "sorry, not sorry" and "don't text me again". So we never did. It's been years since I last talked to them and I know nothing about them now. Third hand information can not tell me who they are as people now. I wish I could ask them, or just say hi. But more then anything I wish they knew, to quote Taylor Swift, "it's never to late to come back to my side". I have nothing but best wishes for them, we don't have to reconsile, we can just pick up where we left of. But there is that question again: Do they know that?
Whenever I hear this song I think about them.

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Title description, Sep 2, 2017

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